Have Enough Courage to Love ~Maya Angelou

I would like to say I don't need this type of reminder, but as life deals you blows these reminders become important.

Love is powerful. It causes us to become giddy, excited, happy, confident, trusting, and strong.  It can also cause sadness, tears, anger, rage and to become mournful.  It's one of the strongest feelings in our scheme.

cour·age

/ˈkɜrɪdʒ, ˈkʌr-/ Show Spelled [kur-ij, kuhr-]  

 noun 

1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

2. Obsolete . the heart as the source of emotion.

Idioms

3. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

 

I don't know about you, but reading the definition for courage evokes an emotion inside me. It makes me want to face everything I've not and take care of business.

 

It also reminds me that to have courage, one must face many demons which could've been lurking for many years.

 

One of my biggest demons is dealing with a past relationship.  I've made HUGE strides in dealing with the emotional roller coaster involved in a break up, but it wasn't a typical relationship.  It was hurtful, hate-fueled, demeaning, and spirit-breaking.  It made me feel like I was less than I truly am and it took many years for me to feel close to whole again.

 

However, I realized I wasn't whole, because as many strides as I had made to better myself there was one thing still missing.

 

I was scared to love.

 

I don't mean scared.  I mean SCARED. I was scared to open myself up again for fear anything I said would be used against me. I was scared to care because someone had used up what I had and thrown it in my face. I was scared to cry from missing someone because they didn't miss me.  I was scared to show affection for fear it wouldn't be returned.

 

I was scared to be human to someone on a level that had previously been trampled, beaten and stomped upon.

 

I lost a couple of amazing friendships over being scared. That's okay. I couldn't appreciate what those people were for me.  I miss them now and hopefully I can re-kindle and make up for what I did. 

 

I would like to say I am no longer SCARED but a tiny little voice does pop up to be an asshole.  I remind myself that these emotions I am experiencing now are not related to the people I love.  They are not the reasons why I am scared and I should not push those emotions onto them or the relationships we have now.  I would like to say this is easy, but it is not.  I would like to say I do not have flashbacks to a time which I felt less secure and less courageous, but I cannot. 

 

What I can say is that everyday I grow a little stronger and everyday more appreciative of the courage and strength which is steadily growing in me.  I can say everyday I am more thankful then I have been in my entire life for what is given to me.  I can remind myself of the love I feel around me always and how much I yearned for it.  Daily reminders of people whom care for me in a way I never hoped and acceptance for who I am envelope me to provide warm security.

 

Every day I am more and more thankful.  Every day I become more whole.

 

Peace, love and knitting,

 

~Coles

Baby Washcloths

In 2012, I was blessed with being an Aunt AGAIN! I love being an aunt. There is nothing more joyful than having a lil one love you for all the little things that you do for them.  I also love spoiling them and sending them home with happy memories of "auntie time".  There is nothing better than having someone whom you are close to and can just be yourself with at all times.

So, for nephew G, I knit up just a couple of items for him.  A couple of baby washcloths, a hat and booties.  These are all very simple and easy to do patterns.  I'll provide you with links if I can or just information.

The one stitch I LOVE doing for towels is the twisted stockinette stitch.  You can find information on how to do this stich anywhere, but I pulled it from The Complete Photo Guide to Knitting by Margaret Hubert.  If you are new to knitting or want a great place to start to figure out stitches of different styles, this is an excellent source of information!  It provides great details on stitch counts and easy to follow instructions with fabulous pictures.  I depend on this book for everything I know about types of stitches.

My other favorite stitch for towels is the double seed stitch. I like it for the lacy look so it makes an average washcloth seem a little more fancy but gives it a nice set of bumps for a little bit of scrubbing power.  Excellent choice especially for small kitchen or kid towels....especially those kids which seem to become muddy. :)

Yes, I chose yellow because I like the sunny color but also it makes it very easy to wash with colors or lights.  I prefer the Peaches N Cream brand cotton, but if you prefer something a little easier to work with then the Hobby Lobby I Love This Cotton is an excellent alternative. It's softer and more pliable.

Happy Knitting!

Peace, love and purl,

Coles

Mom's Christmas Present 2012

Every year, I always contemplate if I am going to make Christmas presents and every year, I decide at the last minute I want to do so which means scramble knitting for most of November-December.  I've been fortunate in I normally get most of it done. This is the first year I actually didn't finish EVERYTHING in time but part of that is because I fell and messed up my hand pretty bad at beginning of December.  So, I learned if I am going to do Christmas knitting, I should probably start in October. (grin)

A couple of years ago at Maryland Sheep & Wool, I bought some beautiful tonal brown yarn for my mother.    I really loved this yarn and plan to buy more.  It felt like glass going through my hands and the colors are not justified in pictures.  It's Miss Babs Northumbria Fingering BFL (Blue-Faced Leicester, a breed of sheep) in this gorgeous color called Winter Forest. You can find her yarn here:  http://www.missbabs.com/

I had originally thought to make a pair of socks, but after decided this yarn is way way too beautiful and luxurious to be put into a pair of shoes.  I lucked out in finding a gorgeous and easy pattern which would show off the variations in the browns but didn't lack a lovely pattern.  Also, I was a fan of this pattern because it involves a button so it can be worn multiple ways without really trying too hard.  And, honestly, the name attracted me more than anything because it screamed "Yes! I'm great for evening knitting!" 

The pattern I chose is called Lazy Day Shawl by Mary Keenan (ravelry link: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/lazy-day-lace-shawl).  This pattern is very very simple, easy to remember so you don't need to look at the pattern for every row and honestly, would be a great beginner shawl.  It's smaller so you don't need a ton of yarn (I didn't even use a full skein).  I could go on and on but then, I might bore you...

So, that is one project completed in 2012!  

Part Deaux-catch up blog for 2012!

Good Day my lovelies!

Part 2 of the catch up blog! yay!

So, where were we? Oh, yes, we were discussing the weight loss thing.

I've had quite a few questions over the last couple of years of how I did it.  So, here is a list of my tricks that I used to help  myself.  These will not work for everyone, but might help you think of your own tricks!

1. Pick which meals are the most important to you.

This might sound really, well, damn strange, but in reality it is the truth.  For some people EVERY meal is   important.  For others, they don't care about breakfast but love a big lunch.  Some want to just have a large breakfast and snack throughout the day.  I don't really care which way you do it, but pick out your favorite eating schedule.

2. Pick out which foods you absolutely love and cannot live without.

Again, what?? You want me to admit to my favorites? Hell, I'll help you get started! Pizza, steak, hamburgers, mashed potatoes and chocolate are on my list. 

3. How can you keep your favorite foods around?

"Okay, this girl is crazy. She is tellling me I can eat pizza and chocolate?"Yes, yes I am. How? Moderation.  So, to start off I LOVE pizza. I could eat it every day, obviously, this is a bad idea, so I switched in what form I ate pizza.  Hot pockets, the small cheap frozen pizzas, ordering a personal pizza instead of a large, or a calzone. It limits the amount of pizza I have available and therefore, cannot eat too much.  Also, I eat dessert every day. Yes, every day because it is THAT important to me to make sure I keep calories around for my sweets.

4. Omg, I'M STILL HUNGRY?? Now what?

Pick something else to eat. You don't really need anymore pizza, you really need a salad or some fruit or even yes, the piece of chocolate. Food is something you need to sustain yourself, not to gorge upon.  Once you have gone more than 3-5 bites into a certain type of food, you're just eating it, not savoring it.  Enjoy another food.

5. Use a calorie counting program.

Yes, count your calories. You will have 0 idea how  many calories are in the whole pizza until you see it in black and white.  It's eye opening. It will also help you appreciate how much 1000 calories v 500 calories is in the long run.  Also, once you start cutting things in half, it will all add up to pounds lost without exercise.

6. Tricks for eating out:

    1. Order appetizers-they're usually smaller portions and way better priced. Help your wallet too!
    2. Cut all your food in half, separate into 2 meals on plate.  Eat half of one meal, stop, wait 10 min.
    3. After 10 min, start to work on the other half of your meal making sure to listen to your stomach.
    4. Once your stomach tells you to stop, look at your food. Remind yourself of how much you have    eaten.
    5. Ask for a box, box up the other half of the meal, and immediately place your napkin & any table trash on plate.

Obviously, eating out will vary especially with sharing appetizers. Just make sure to count them towards your meal and remind yourself you don't need to eat a whole lot because you ordered a meal!  I am horribly bad at mexican restaurants by eating a lot of chips & salsa and ordering a big meal. I don't need that meal. So now, I ONLY order ala carte items.  2 tacos or enchiladas..something substantial but I do not need sides.

Okay, so now that I have sufficiently bored some of you, here is what you've really been waiting for which is my pictures. The left one was taken over Memorial Day weekend in 2010.  The right one was taken on NYE this year. (Please excuse the photo-bombing dogs. They're clueless! LOL!)

Whoops! 2012 went by quickly!

So, here it is a year and some change since I last wrote. My humblest apologies. I sort of wish I had kept up to date on this as 2012 proved to be rather trying in my personal and work life, so it would've been good to see all the good happening updated here instead of remembering the bad. But, to live is to learn. 

With that, will now be doing something fun for updating posts. I will also be adding some events that happened throughout the year so I can keep last year straight. I think as life goes on and things blend together we forget all the lovely, so my goal this year is to make it as AWESOME as possible so I remember the lovely. Sounds like a good plan eh? If you follow me on Twitter (@ladycoles) then you will know that any events I go to which I find are awesome or memorable, I am hashtag-ing as #partyon2013. This way, once 2014 happens, I can go back and remember the awesome. 

My first plan for this blog is to update profile including picture. The last 2 years I have embarked on a miraculous journey to re-invent myself via body. This means being more cognizant of what I'm eating, taking up jogging (YES! JOGGING!!!) and planning to walk/run my first 5k in 2013. I'm sad that it has taken me 29+ years to appreciate what I have and blessed with and that I should learn to take care of it, but I am thankful that I figured it out earlier, instead of later. 

I will admit, I've been lucky in the amount of support via family and friends I have had to work on this journey. They've not only encouraged me verbally, but have been supportive in encouraging me to go through with my plan to complete a 5k by providing me with ones to join, etc. I love them. 

Also, I know I might receive a question on how I've done this. I will tell you the truth, good ole fashioned exercise and watching my calories. I know, shocking right? I've received the question in the past of what made me do this? Well, 'tis very simple... 

(enter dreamy flashback music) 

I made an appointment with the bariatric (weight loss) surgeon to discuss options for surgery and how to get started, next steps and how to get it approved under my medical insurance. During the meeting, he asked me what my goal weight was and I explained to him about 180-170 as this is where I've always felt most comfortable. He made a ~slight~ grimace and said "Well, we would expect you to lose more than that amount as you really should be about 140."

Excuse me? 

Now, for those of you that don't know me day to day-no.one.tells.Nicole.what.to.do.with.her.own.self. 

I canceled all my further appointments, went home and made the decision THAT DAY that I was going to change myself for myself and fuck the rest of that lot. 

(exit dreamy flashback music) 

And that is part one of the catch up blog....you'll have to tune in for the next one, to find out more. I'll also be posting before and now pictures. :) 

 Peace, love and purl, Coles

20 things to learn from your pets

I saw this really cute slideshow and thought "I must share this with my blog readers." Reason? because in reality, it is so so true.

All of us have retrained ourselves to be 'adults' and we tend to forget that as 'adults' we need to be 'ourselves'. Ourselves being defined as humans with our natural instincts intact.

One great thing about all animals is that they always remember to follow their instincts, so here's a list of tips for you. I've included the original slideshow too because who doesn't want to look at 20 slides with animals included?! Plus, it has some expansion on the basic ideas.

20 Things to learn from your Pet
1. Forget Multi-tasking.
2. Take Naps
3. Walk every day
4. Cultivate Friendships
5. Live in the Moment
6. Don’t Hold a Grudge
7. Wag (Be Grateful)
8. Maintain Curiosity
9. Be Silly
10. Get a Back Rub
11. Drink Water when you’re thirsty
12. Eat Fish
13. If you love someone, show it
14. Play
15. Enjoy the Great Outdoors
16. Make time to groom
17. Be aware of body language
18. Stretch often
19. Seek Out Shade
20. Stick to a schedule

http://pets.webmd.com/ss/slideshow-things-you-learn-from-your-pet

Happy Reading! (also, glad to see they used TWO great dane pictures)

Catch Up!!

Hello my lovely readers!!

I did so well, reading my blogs which I love which triggered lovely thoughts into mine and caused me to rush to my computer to type. However...August proved to be much busier then I originally intended including starting back to school.

School is proving to be easier this time...at least so far. I'm not sure why. I'd like to say it's because I'm older and wiser so things are kicking in quicker....maybe? who knows. It also could be that I know I'm only 5 classes away from actually holding a degree in my capable hands that is kicking me in the butt to finish.

Anyway, so the point is to do a brief catch up!

So the vortex shawl hit the finishing deck at the end of August. It's a beautiful shawl and I surely will be doing another circular one...I already have one marked as favorites in Ravelry. One thing I will say for SURE that I learned is to read the bind off and estimate how much yarn to save back to complete it. I had to redo the bind off 3 times and thankfully, 3rd time was a charm. Yes, I know you want pictures, but I must block it because it really is quite good at rolling itself up.

2nd is that my sister's shawl has gone exceedingly well!! The pattern I picked looked much harder then I found out as I knitted. I will say that part of it was the pattern writer. She did an amazing job. This one will be posted as well!!

Anyway, I can't write too much as I'm procrastinating what I should be working on here anyway, so I must say cheers for now, but pics will follow. :)

Piece, Love and Purl,

Nicole

Vortex Shawl...update

So, my first shawl is coming along swimmingly! I use swimmingly bc it sort of reminds me of deep dark colors of the sea...the colors you don't see until you're further down into the ocean, into the habitats, into the life and depth of something that is still unknown to most of us. Scary ahd hypnotic, yet familiar and serene, because of the amount of beauty which is immersed into you. You're forced to shut everything out, the day to day, the noises, the sounds, which make land so complicated. You look around you and realize these are living creatures which have their own status, lives, deaths, triumphs and failures...they're just as alive as we are and just as blessed but we cannot wrap our heads around this blessing because it is so different from our own...and yet so the same.

I'm sorry where was I? Oh yes, shawl.

Okay, so the shawl is about 50% done. I am totally totally in love with it and cannot be happier with my choice on the first project. I like this project because one, it is very simple pattern, easy to memorize and 2, it is forcing me to learn to make sure to pay attention to repeats, use markers and also really actually READ a pattern.

(I'm definitely a 'skimmer', you know the one's that half read everything and then go back and go 'oh what did i do wrong?' only to realize they skimmed past half the instructions.)

So, I give this shawl 2 thumbs up on beginning circular shawl options. My next task is one I'm hoping to start this week as my sister has decided on her birthday gift. woohoo! another shawl, in the works.



pattern on ravelry: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/vortex-shawl

Happiness Hump Day

It's Wednesday!! :) you know what that means? That's right, happiness at your fingertips.

Happiness is....

a warm dog at your side.

Happiness is....

your favorite cup of tea.

Happiness is....

a text message from your best friend.

Happiness is....

a call from your nephew.

Happiness is....

making a friend laugh.

Happiness is....

a hug from your parent.

Happiness is....

finding happiness in the day to day.

My apologies...

I have been a terrible blogger for most of July. I wanted to let you all know that I didn't forget about you!! :)

I'll do updates this week and then also, will let you know about next projects to tackle. My sister's birthday is coming up in September and she actually already saw her present..a skein of yarn and now she's picking out what I'm to do with it over the next week, so I'm hoping to be able to post the 'before I get started pics' on Sunday.

Anyway, I hope you all have been fabulous, enjoy August, hope it's not nearly as hot there as it is here...95-100 for the last 3 weeks and looks to continue for most of this week. It'll be a small day in heaven once we are at 85 again & can't believe that I'm looking forward to it.

Have I mentioned I melt in summer? If not, then you know what I'm really doing which is mostly picking up parts of me which have fallen off. Gah!

Anyway, much peace, love and purl!

-Nicole

Sunday Knit update

Hola Mi Senoritas and Senors...sorry watching Golden Girls and conversing in Italian. None of that which I stated is italian..but as close as it gets....now where was I..oh yeah.

Hello Beautiful new followers and the rest of my knitting brigade! :)

I'm so sorry I've been such a slacker on updating my blog this week. A couple of things have gone on which are beyond my control which require my full attention. I am (maybe) moving by next weekend, so this weekend has been chocked full of hassles and pains which come with any move. Although, some of them are almost to the point I don't think I WILL move, which is a whole other blog entry on its own.

However, I did manage to login (ha!) so I am leaving you with a flashback to an older blog.

October 2009: Karen Yarn

I have this lovely set of yarn via my best friend. It's called "Karen" as it reminds me so much of my stepmom in the colors. She's a fanatic about purples, teals and greens.

I absolutely love how this knits up and how delicate yet sturdy it is...plus the pattern is helpful in making it look beautiful. I can't take credit for the colors or the pattern, just the knitting of it!

If you would like to check out where I got my yarn, you can go to http://undonesweater.etsy.com.

For this pattern, it's from http://www.knittingonthenet.com/patterns/scarfdiageyelet.htm

This is one of my favorite websites as a lot of the scarf patterns are easy, yet beautiful and also easy to memorize so they are great knits in front of the tv.

I know my stepmom will love this as much as I am loving knitting it! I'm naming this particular scarf and hat set "Grapevines" as it reminds me of lattice work with climbing ivy and grapes.

Happiness Hump Day

Today is normally the day I post about what made me happy today. This will be a stretch as had a rough day. I did take a nice long nap and naps are my way to reconcile any stress or anxiety happening. I feel a little better.

So my happiness things today are....

1. Sadie,my dog. She is such an amazing dog. She always knows how to make me feel good and even get me to laugh when I am grumpy. I love her more than anything.

2. Twizzlers

3. My nephew, Fboy, is such a crack up. He's totally hit the terrible 3's and I love it every second...but then I don't have to live with it. ;)

4. My friends. I seriously love my friends and there are times I know that they were brought into my life because they are SO the opposite of me and keep me grounded.

5. Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper. yeah...you make me happy

I feel a little better now after that exercise too. Remember to count blessings, bc they are blessings for a reason.

30 days of Lists: day 14

Things I love about...Friday July 8th.

1. My work day flew by
2. I had amazing sushi
3. I reconnected with my friend (whom is also my boss and don't tell me that is tough)
4. we saw Better Than Ezra
5. We had the most amazing sushi EVER
6. I tried a new sushi roll with fried calamari
7. We had a blast dancing and singing at the top of our lungs
8. We were the most fun people there (okay maybe not but sure felt like it)
9. I was able to discuss some fears openly about my job and life
10. The only thing which could have made my day better was if my BFF was there to enjoy the festvities

What about you? can you make a list of things you love?

30 days of Lists: day 13

Day 13 is DIY to try. It's funny how learning knitting has suddenly inspired me to try all sorts of crafty things. I sort of feel as these are things I wish I had learned many years ago, but never too late to try anything.

1. Continue trying out new knitting techniques, yarns, ideas
2. learn to crochet
3. learn to hand sew
4. learn to machine sew
5. take up card making


I think that will keep me quite busy for a while. ha! Not only am I going to enjoy going to 'formal' education but will also enjoy working on arts/crafts more. Yippee!!

What about you? is there anything you know you would like to try this year? maybe something you've laid away to restart?

30 days of Lists: day 12

Have you done 30 days of lists? I am truly enjoying this little self introspection. It's lovely. :) If you would like to join in for the March session (what I'm doing now) or the upcoming September session you can read about it here.

Today's list is weekly rituals. I cannot say that I am particularly good about doing anything on a regular schedule. Something which I am working to remedy over the next few months. So, I guess this is a good time to list what I do now and how that will change over the next months. Yay for comparison!

SUN: coffee on patio, lunch, pool time, knitting, blogging and blog reading.
MON: work, dinner, knitting
TUES: work, dinner, knitting
WED: work, dinner, knitting
THURS: work, wkly dinner date w/ friends
FRI: work, dinner, knitting
SAT: coffee, blog reading, cleaning, lunch, sister's house


Yep, that's the weekly rituals. Ugh so droll. no wonder I'm bored!! Must remedy quickly!

30 days of Lists: day 11

Date Night Ideas:

Oh boy! The thought of dating is not anywhere near on my radar (divorce, now single, no step kids anymore, etc). However, I do like that they include self dates as an option. Why yes, I think I will take myself on a date!

The best part about a self date or a Bff date is that there aren't any rules, there's no impression to make, and you get to go somewhere you really want as opposed the 'compromise'.

So my self date, bff date list is as follows:

1. Trip to Nelson Atkins Museum w/ accompanying picnic on lawn.
2. Trip to Toy and Miniature Museum
3. Pick 5 local yarn stores within 50 miles and visit them all
4. Go on an antique/flea market spree
5. Find a park to visit for weekly dates w/ pup

what about you? do you have any favorite dates or places to go?

30 days of Lists: day 10

My Wish List:

I constantly have a wish list. It's not a wish list in an 'oh I need this' type of wish list. It's an all encompassing wishlist and what I can do to actually make those wishes come true that are at the top. You can call it a long term goal list or whatever...I'm not picky, but this is how I like to look at my wishes.

My list is EXTREMELY long so I'm going to give you the top few.

1. Have visited at least 5 European Countries
2. Have taken a 2 week vacation which includes leaving US
3. Visit Ireland, England and Scotland in one trip
4. Visit a country to which I don't have on my list
5. Take a cruise to a foreign area (not bahamas)

My immediate wish list is not quite as grandiose (i love that word)
1. Finish my associates
2. Plan where to take my bachelor's
3. Declare a major
4. Finish my bachelor's
5. Debate on a major

A large part of me wants to jump in and decide on a huge major undertaking for school...and then there is a part of me that is like nope, go for what you really really want...bc my ultimate major would be history with a concentration in european early history. Oh to be a nerd full time!

Finally the 'I really just want it' wishlist:

1. 2 pairs of Tom's wedges, gray and red.
2. new car
3. 2nd dog
4. new ipod
5. 4 new video games (yes specific list)
6. to grab an order from sanguinegryphon.com
7. signature dpns

I love wish lists..can you tell?!

Peace, love and purl,

Nicole

30 days of Lists: day 9

What are your favorite websites/blogs?

Holy moly. I have a lot of favorite websites and blogs. I follow like 20 blogs so those are all my favorite automatically. Of course, I will pick out a couple that are my absolute favorite and really...the only reason I'm picking these is because there are certain aspects of their blogs I like and would love to mimic. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

7. Whimsical Poppysmic
3. After 9-5
6. Punk Rawk Purl
5. Pixie Polly
4. The Dainty Squid


Nope, no order. ;)

Okay other favorite websites include
Ikea.com
xkcd.com
knitpicks.com
ravelry.com
mint.com
netflix.com
anything with yarn and a .com

What are YOUR favorite websites? any agree? disagree? tell me about?

Happiness Hump Day

Wednesday is to be my new day to make sure to try to blog. The 30 days is going well but I can see how having a regular day to do certain things is kind of fun. I don't know which is more fun...plotting what to say or unveiling it!

Anyway, so today is the day I am reminding myself of things to be happy for/about/with in my life.

1. I got an award at work in recognition of a project I did.

2. I have the best dog ever (sorry no questions or rebuttals) :P

3. I have the ability to make my own destiny.

4. I have the best friend ever (sorry no questions or rebuttals) :P

5. I'm going back to school in 6 weeks.

Somedays it is really really REALLY hard for me to be always be happy and remind myself of the happiness around me.

What do you do to remind yourself of your happiness?

30 days of Lists: day 8

What's in my bag:

That's just my bag baby. Really! It's just my bag. I'm getting a new bag soon. I seriously cannot WAIT to unveil it. I collaborated with my sister on it (and the help of an Amy Butler pattern) but the matching of patterns is all mine. You know I love colors/patterns right? yeah, can't wait!!

Anyway, my current bag is a black cloth messenger style with white pleather piping and white handle. Like most, it seems as though it is an extension of my entire self encompassing everything which somehow describes me.

I have my union flag zip pencil case which holds light pink lip gloss, make up brush, and eye drops. My anti bac gel-berry flavored with union flag on the front, my ipod, my smartyphone w/ rhinestone case with cherries as the design, my pink and black damask-wannabe wallet with a smiling skull on front, another tube of lip gloss in dark pink, digi camera, nail file, black pen. I also have knitting bag made by bff with vortex shawl encased within it's zippered black and white folds.

What's in your bag? do you love your bag? would you trade it for another?